I am mostly with E. Hunter in her theory about sex and geography.

How is sex geographic? Or maybe it’s atmospheric? More likely. I can only speak for myself, but the humidity of the south really does have a positive effect on one’s libido. I’ve confirmed this theory with exactly one other southerner who also agreed that California can be rather dry. Ahem.

But I think she needs to add that nobody can represent the essence of wet dreams better than California. All those hard and healthy tanned bodies on that primordial beach.

And what about those California girls?

I have a theory myself here about California Girls, on why they have evolved to the top of the food chain. A generally unknown historical fact is that woman could vote, own property and work outside the home from the moment that Los Angeles was founded on Sept. 4, 1781. So my theory is that the East Coast girls and Southern Belles and others never really caught up with this 139-year lead the California girls had in their independent style and class.

And for further elucidation on why we all still wish they all could be California girls, consider this 40-year evolution of the musical film/video tribute to the species. From the Beach Boys in 1965 to David Lee Roth in 1985 to the current Dresden Dolls. Two fun blasts from the past, then the “Brechtian punk cabaret” musical duo Dresden Dolls. Their reinterpretation of the David Lee Roth video in Shores of California is inspired in its breakdown of the stereotype. And an especially nice visual cue having facial tissues dispensed during these repeating lyrics.

Why all these conflicting specifications
Maybe to prevent overpopulation
All I know is that all around the nation
The girls are crying and the boys are masturbating
The girls are crying and the boys are masturbating

Beach Boys “California Girls” 1965

David Lee Roth “California Girls” 1985

Dresden Dolls “Shores of California” 2007